Super Bowl poll

Two days to go on the Super Bowl poll, and the Patriots have a 4-1 lead on the pizza places. I suspect the Patriots will win the poll and the Super Bowl.

Will the economy get better? In a pig's eye!

Why does it not surprise me that this forecasting pig lives in Ohio?

What is the face of true hostility? (Or: cat blogging, part two)

I am not entirely sure, but I think it looks something like a cat during a bath, to wit:

I hate to admit this, but ...

... I like watching re-runs of "What Not To Wear" on TLC.

Lest we forget "Fish"

In case you are wondering where the joke started that spawned this Web site, here's Wikipedia:

Reports of his death

In 1982, People magazine erroneously declared him dead. Abe Vigoda took the error with good humor, posing for a photograph showing him sitting up in a coffin, holding the magazine in question. This rumor was nearly started again in 1987 when a reporter for Secaucus, New Jersey television station WWOR, Channel 9 erroneously referred to him as "the late Abe Vigoda".[citation needed] She corrected herself on the air the next day. His erroneous death has remained a running joke for Vigoda. For example, a Late Night with David Letterman skit showed Letterman trying to summon Vigoda's ghost. Vigoda then walked in and declared, "I'm not dead, you idiot!" In 2002, Greg Galcik recorded a gothic rock song "Abe Vigoda's Dead", a parody of "Bela Lugosi's Dead" by Bauhaus. A November 2006 Conan O'Brien sketch showed an audience member summoning the dead. The "deceased person" turned out to be Vigoda. As of January 2008, Mr. Vigoda resides in Manhattan's Upper East Side.

How to ruin a great character

Marvel Comics is, I think, out to ruin their most valuable property, namely Spider-Man. Here's a link to a CNN story (Thanks, John!) that explains most of it. Go read it and then I shall comment.

There has been much comment about this storyline, and far be it from me to say anything terribly new. Here is a link to a message board with way more comments from way more angles than I could ever come up with. There's plenty of links to other comments, too.

http://www.byrnerobotics.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22720&PN=2&totPosts=1529

Here's my point: It's dumb. It's out of character for Peter Parker to make a deal with the devil, even to save Aunt May's life. For that matter, though Mephisto has long been a part of the Marvel universe, he's never really been associated with Spider-Man. You'd think a massive change like this would at least involve a bad guy familiar with the hero.

If the writers and editors wanted a way out of Peter and Mary Jane's wedding, they could have found a much better way.

Their marriage changed the relationships between the characters, especially Peter Parker, who can no longer be portrayed as a hard-luck loser whose life is made worse because he has to bear the burden of being Spider-Man completely by himself.

That said, in many ways Spider-Man and his relationships with the supporting cast was always something of a soap opera, even going back to the earliest issues. There has to be a way to take a married Peter Parker and spin that into some interesting, character-driven plots and subplots involving being married.

(Oh my gosh! MJ wanted me to get this spaghetti sauce home in time for supper but Doc Ock is holding the entire cast of "Friends" hostage in Grand Central Station! What do I do?)

In that vein, there's also something to be said about growing the character. Spider-Man has always grown. He graduated from high school, then college, then grad school, then he got married. Taking the story backwards doesn't fit in with what has gone on.

Further, the readers are more sophisticated than they used to be. Most comic book readers today are like me, 30-somethings who have been reading them forever. That audience is grown up enough to appreciate a different kind of Spider-Man story. If not, they can go back and read reprints.

The bottom line for me is that once that marriage was done, it shouldn't have been undone. There are lots of things in comics that get undone, but they usually involve villains barely surviving a fall out of a helicopter or over a waterfall or something like that. Too often, writers get the idea that they can take any story and use contrived logic to change it.

Further, every story that gets undone further erodes the confidence of the reader. If Superman dies, how much suspense is there that he will come back? None, these days.

(Just for the record, "Amazing Spider-Girl," the comic set in the future about the advatures of Peter and Mary Jane's daughter wasn't canceled. Does this tell us something?)

I quit buying Spider-Man comics at the beginning of this storyline. I had no interest in another earth-shattering "event" comic, no matter what it did to the characters. I didn't enjoy that last few few big events in Spider-Man's life, either. It makes me wonder if, after some 40-some years, all the stories that can be told about the character have been told.

I am very curious about the new story line, but I have so far completely resisted buying it, on the grounds that I don't want to support with my wallet that which offends my brain. At the same time, if the new set-up allows the writers to come up with good stories, I'll probably come back, eventually.

And, what the heck, if it doesn't work, they can always un-do the whole thing by having Peter wake up and saying the deal with the devil was all a bad dream. That would take about the same level of creativity as the current storyline.

For now, if I want to read Spider-Man, I'll just just go back and re-read the old issues from the 1960s and 70s when none of this was a problem. They are probably better anyway.

Cat blogging

Cat stowaway makes it home again

PALM BEACH GARDENS, Fla. - Some kitty math: How many lives did little tabby Gracie Mae use up when she crawled into her owner's suitcase, went through an airport X-ray machine, got loaded onto a plane, thrown onto a baggage belt and mistakenly picked up by a stranger far from home?

The cat probably lost more lives than one might think, considering how many airport baggage handlers probably threw the suitcase around.

Do I have a Super Bowl prediction?

Notchet. I am still cogitating on the matter. I see the Patriots have two votes on the poll so far. That's usually enough to win on this Web site.

I am torn between the fact that the Patriots are really, really good; the fact that the Giants almost beat them in the last regular season game; and the fact that I have been saying all year that no team can go undefeated in today's NFL.

I can, however, guarantee that the Cleveland Browns will not lose this year's Super Bowl.

And Joe Namath thought he was bold.

I hate to admit this, but ...

... I like watching re-runs of "America's Next Top Model."

What will happen to the Mid-Ohio Con?

I know I attended one of the first Mid-Ohio Cons, sometime in the early 1980s, and I have been to nearly all of them since about 1994. However, with this announcement, I fear there may be no more.

I sincerely hope someone takes over the convention. It sure would leave a hole in my post-Thanksgiving schedule.

Two key throws made the difference

The Chargers-Patriots game had a lot of great moments, but I'd say the game came down to two throws: one Phillip Rivers didn't make, and one he shouldn't have tried.

The one Rivers missed was in the back of the end zone and would have been a touchdown, but he didn't see the wide open receiver and threw underneath. The Chargers settled for a field goal.

The one he shouldn't have thrown was the interception in Chargers' territory which Tom Brady immediately turned into a touchdown for the Patriots.

That was a 14-point swing. If Rivers throws the touchdown and doesn't throw the interception, it was a whole different game.

Whatchootalkin' 'bout eBay?

How Much Would You Pay for Gary Coleman's Pants?
Los Angeles (E! Online) - Are Gary Coleman's pants the new Virgin Mary grilled-cheese sandwich? No. They are bigger.
Bidding on eBay reached $400,000 on Thursday for a pair of navy blue, size 12XL-Regular Gap Kids sweatpants signed by the former child star.

For the record, I don't think I'd pay $400,000.

NFL playoff predictions

I'll take the Packers over the Giants and the Patriots over the Chargers. But I'll be rooting for the Chargers.

I wonder if baseball strategy could apply to football strategy, to wit:

Manny Ramirez can hit any pitch, anywhere, any time. So, one way of thinking is just pitching him in a classic style high and tight with the fastball and low and away with the breaking ball. There's no use thinking too much, because no matter what you throw, he can hit it. Just stick with a simple, reliable strategy and hope your talent and skill top his.

This could apply to the Chargers in that they could adopt a classic, almost vanilla game plan and hope their talented players outplay New England's. It seems to me that if the Chargers adopt any sort of extreme strategy, Bill Belichick already knows how to exploit it, so why bother? Take a simple, classic game plan by running early, then going with the play action passes, screens and draws and only throw deep when the opportunity presents itself.

In fact, the deciding factor may just be whether or not the Charger quarterback can make a few key throws. Like facing Manny, there may not be many opportunities, so when they pop up, he'll have to capitalize. My suspicion is there will be a few third down passing plays and a few long pass opportunities that could tip the game. If the Chargers make them, they can hang with the Pats. If they miss too many, they'll get blown out.

I'd hate to bet on the Chargers, but they do have a lot of talent. They went 14-2 last season, and may be looking for revenge against the Pats who knocked them out of the playoffs.

I don't have any particular thoughts about the Packers game. But, if the Packers go to the Super Bowl, I am going to purchase and wear a Brett Favre jersey for the game.

A bunch of weird sayings

http://www.isms.org.uk/

I think this site has the potential to be amusing for a little while, anyway. It seems to be non-sequitur humor. Here's an example of what you might find:

Ism #8
Someone has been making allegations ......... I want the alligators to own up now!

Well, that was a shock!

Burglar finds corpse and calls police
BERLIN (Reuters) - A Berlin burglar's break-in took an unexpected turn when he stumbled upon a corpse and felt compelled to call the police.

My one and only Britney Spears post

Age 27 seems to have a special meaning for young musicians — some of them don’t survive it. I have heard of the concept, but never the name “27 Club,” as defined by Wikipedia:
“The 27 Club, also occasionally known as the Forever 27 Club, is a popular culture name for a group of influential rock and blues musicians who all died at the age of 27, sometimes under mysterious circumstances.”
Here’s a partial list:
* Janis Joplin
* Jimi Hendrix
* Robert Johnson
* Kurt Cobain
* Jim Morrison
* Brian Jones
(Bob Dylan had a motorcycle accident that almost killed him, but didn’t, at age 27.)
The Wikipedia entry lists a number of other famous musicians who died at that age, if you want to go look.
The point? Britney Spears is 26.

Now, it’s safe to say Spears isn’t as talented as many of these musicians, but she is as famous and maybe more so. And, her life is spinning out of control in such a way that it makes one fear for her health and maybe even her life.
The explanations for her behavior (And, just for the record, I have no further insight into her than I do of any of the rest of the people who I have never met on this list. In true post-modern Internet-fueled form, I shall discuss the discussion more than discuss the person.) fall into what I see are four categories:

1. Drug/alcohol abuse
2. Mental illness
3. Bad choices/immaturity
4. Calculated attention seeking behavior

No one knows if she has a mental illness. Until Spears is publicly diagnosed, the subject probably shouldn’t even be brought up.
I’d eliminate the attention-seeking behavior as well. Before her recent run of bizarre behavior (which I’d probably say began when she got married and then annulled the marriage within a few days back in 2003) she was extremely famous. She didn’t need to do any of these things to get people’s attention. She already had it.
However, it could be argued that being photographed getting out of a car while clearly not wearing panties is attention-getting behavior.
While not wearing panties is an intentional decision (I have never, ever gone to the mall and suddenly realized I had forgotten to put on underwear.), it may not have been motivated by what many people assume.
The key question is: Whose attention was she trying to get, the media, or some hunk in one of the night clubs she was patronizing?
The remaining two points could probably be curtailed into one category, because drug and alcohol abuse can be related to bad choices or immaturity.
In this light, take this string of events added with intense public scrutiny:

• A whirlwind wedding and subsequent un-wedding.
• A courtship and marriage to a backup dancer/wannabe rapper.
• Lots of media criticism about this marriage.
• Two children.
• Criticism about the parenting skills of both parents.
• A divorce from the backup dancer/wannabe rapper.

How many young people decide to marry someone of whom their friends and family don’t approve and stick to the decision despite sometimes intense criticism just to prove everyone wrong?
How many young people who do this are reminded constantly of their choice of mate by their relatives?
How many young people, and their burgeoning families, are subjected to this criticism from people who don’t even know them day in day out across a bazillion types of printed and electronic media?
How many respond well after being proven wrong in their choice of mate and subjected to “I-told-you-sos” rubbing their noses in their marriage’s failure day in day out across a bazillion types of printed and electronic media?
How many young people really respond well after getting divorced? How many young people, and older people for that matter, lose their common sense after going through that trauma?
How many do so with a camera constantly following them around?
This line of thinking does not excuse driving with a child who is not in a car seat, failing to attend scheduled court appearances, giving an obviously lackluster performance during an important TV appearance, losing custody of your children, creating something of a hostage situation during a visitation exchange and, for that matter, going without underwear.
It may, however, explain shopping excessively, partying too much and shaving her head.
Many people would argue that she brought the attention and subsequent criticism on herself by becoming famous in the first place.
To some extent this is true. But, fame creates a certain amount adversity and everyone responds differently to adversity. Some people are good at being famous, some aren’t.
Maybe because of that adversity, Britney has made a string of bad choices in a very public forum which have opened her up for a lot of intense public criticism.
To address maybe the worst decision of all, I don’t know if she has been abusing drugs or alcohol. It certainly would not seem to be an unreasonable theory.
If she has, it’s a bad choice made to escape other bad choices.
Many famous young people have turned to mind-altering substances to escape from the stressful reality of living in a fish bowl, including a lot of the people in the “27 Club.”
Let’s hope Britney, whatever you might think of her behavior, doesn’t become a member.

Police even impounded the lawn mower

Unlicensed New Zealander charged with driving lawn mower while drunk

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A New Zealand man has been charged with driving a lawn mower while drunk, police said Tuesday.

WWII as fought by online gamers

This made the rounds a few years ago on e-mail, but I found a copy and I think it's still as funny as when I first read it:


*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck *deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u ***s im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: eisenhower hax hes killing all my ****
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: i didnt click there omg this game blows *Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this **** im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: **** now we need some1 to join *tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoylshti!!!111
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all ***s
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o ****!
*paTTon has left the game.*

"Darling, I feel like I've known you all my life"

Twins unwittingly got married in Britain
LONDON - Twins who were separated at birth got married without realizing they were brother and sister, a lawmaker said, urging more information be provided on birth certificates for adopted children.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080111/ap_on_re_eu/britain_married_twins;_ylt=AslLXjrGk7vlkFqdZDwF6c7tiBIF

Feel free to comment

I figured out how to set the blog so anybody could comment. You no longer need a Google account to do so. Hopefully, I don't get a bunch of whack-o's posting a lot of gobbledygook on here. To help prevent that, you will have to type an extra word to verify you are posting.

Another late, great comics artist

I have been reading the last two “Marvel Essentials, Amazing Spider-Man” volumes, and I was struck by something I once heard referred to as a BFO: A Blinding Flash of the Obvious.

That BFO was the late Ross Andru was a really great artist.

Here's a place to find some samples: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=ross+andru&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

I always thought of him as a solid artist who produced good work every month for many years. Since I grew up seeing his art all the time, and reading the very same 1970s comics reprinted in those “Essentials” volumes, I think I was oblivious to his tremendous skill until I looked at it with new eyes.

The volumes I have been reading, seven and eight, reprint almost all the issues of “Amazing” that Andru drew, from about issue 125-184. Volume six has a few of the issues at the start of his run, too.

What strikes me as so, ahem, amazing about Andru is how solidly he grounds his characters in the real world. I never noticed it when I was a kid, but the characters all move in environments that are real.

The Daily Bugle looks like a newspaper office. Peter Parker’s apartment was decorated by his friends with unwanted furniture and other items, like an old, wooden cigar store Indian. When Peter sits in a chair, Peter, the chair, the furniture around him and the dimensions of his apartment all have weight, volume and perspective. They all look real.

When the characters are in a part of New York, the signature architecture is there. If they are at the Brooklyn Bridge, Andru flawlessly draws it. If they are in the warehouse district, the warehouses look like warehouses.

If Spider-Man goes to Paris there’s Notre Dame Cathedral or the Eiffel Tower. If he goes to London, there’s Big Ben. And, they all look real, and the characters fit correctly in their surroundings.

Moving forward from the backgrounds, Andru has a very distinctive style. You can always spot something he draws easily, but I think he grew into a great background artist.

Recently, I also read Andru’s “Metal Men,” reprinted by DC Comics. These were from about a decade earlier than his run on “Spider-Man.”

Andru’s style is still there, especially the unique was his characters pose in action shots. Once you see it, it’s hard to miss. His was one of the styles I first could recognize as a kid. But, he wasn’t doing too much careful work on the architecture and the backgrounds then as he did later.

The strength of the later work, as he grew as an artist, is in the subtle correctness of the detail.

It’s really hard to get the characters foreshortened at the same angle as the backgrounds. (Trust me, I have tried. Sometimes that table top just doesn’t line up with the figures no matter how many times you re-draw it. Sometimes the floor tiling is going up or down when you want the people standing on a flat surface.) By the time he was drawing “Spider-Man,” Andru could do this effortlessly.

Effortlessly also describes how easy it is to read and follow the stories he drew. While his style is distinctive, it doesn’t get in the way of telling the story, of moving the narrative along. You can follow it easily and read clear through, or you can stop and marvel, no pun intended, at the skill in which he was able to draw realistic environments and action-packed characters.

Let us note that Andru was working with other artists – Frank Giacoia, Dave Hunt, Mike Esposito and Jim Mooney, primarily – who were inking the work and helping with the backgrounds.

But, Andru deserves credit as the penciller for the skill he delivered to the pages as the penciller who designed and drew the pages.

He drew with something missing from a lot of today’s artists: a grounding in realism. He did not draw in a photo realistic style, but neither was he a stylistic show-off with little regard to what things really look like. Some of today’s artists like to draw characters with fists (or worse yet forearms or calves) which are bigger than their heads, for example.

Andru was able to show us super heroes who look super without resorting to confusing page designs, making the art look like it should be on a poster or cluttering pages up with needless lines that simulate detail.

Clean, simple, solid, distinctive art work. Andru’s professionalism shines through every page he drew.

Can you imagine the conversation?

Man spots his wife during visit to brothel
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22571847/

I bet the conversation went something like:

Wife: "Can't I even get away from you at work?"
Husband: "You mean I have to pay you for it here, too?"

If you liked MST3K (and I know you all did), it's kinda back!

In case you hadn't heard, the group that made Mystery Science Theater 3000 has re-united on a project called "Cinematic Titanic," doing about the same thing they always did. Here's a link to their blog that explains what's going on:
http://cinematictitanic.com/wpmu/index.php

I wish I had thought up a cool name like "Cinematic Titanic."

Anybody ever try this one?

Boy glues hand to bed to avoid school

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/M/MEXICO_HAND_GLUED?SITE=KYLOU&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

I should start a poll: Who would have tried this had they thought of it?

Browns LT Thomas headed to Pro Bowl

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=ArBZZ6rtY.isKlg2Ht2QpEqC2bYF?slug=txbrownsthomas&prov=st&type=lgns

Yay! If anyone deserved it and didn't get it, here he is! If the Browns had drafted offensive linemen like this all along, they would have won a lot more games.

I found an interesting list ...

... of announcer teams for NFL games on NBC dating back to 1960. It's on Wikipedia. Here's the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_NFL_on_NBC_commentator_pairings

I was surprised at how many things I didn't remember, like Bob Trumpy worked with Dick Enberg as the lead NFL team for three years. I didn't used to like Trunpy as a broadcaster, but I have come to realize he really is an insightful analyst.

I also remember Marv Albert being paired with Chris Collinsworth, who like Trumpy is a former Cincinnati Bengal and 700 WLW Sportstalk host I learned to appreciate over time. That only lasted for one year, 1995. I could have sworn it was longer than that. Strange that I should remember them being paired at all, because that was a pretty bad year for football watching for Browns fans.

Here's another good one: Charlie Jones was an NFL announcer on NBC from 1965 until they lost the AFC contract in 1997. That's quite a long time. Nobody else was on that list for so long. I remember listening to him and enjoying his broadcasting, but I had no idea how long he had a been on the air with NBC. Oddly enough, in all that time, he never was the network's lead announcer. However, there's no shame in saying you were beaten out by Curt Gowdy and Dick Enberg for 30 some years.

I also didn't remember Jim Donovan, the current Browns' radio voice, was on NBC. After I saw the list, I remembered seeing him a few times. I guess that speaks volumes about his talent, even in a mid-sized market like Cleveland.

In fact, it's kind of amazing how many of these guys were strictly NBC guys, and never ventured to CBS or ABC. After the networks started bidding against each other like crazy for the NFL contract in the 1990s, all sorts of strange things happened, like Al Michaels on NBC. Dick Enberg is on one of the other networks now, too. Maybe it's CBS. Back in the old days, whodathunkit?

Harry Kalas, who does only radio games on the Westwood One network, remains my absolute favorite football announcer of all time, though. His deep voice and slow cadence are perfect for football. He is the play-by-play guy for the Philadelphia Phillies. If you are curious:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Kalas

'Roid rage

I am sick to death of hearing about steroids in baseball, but how about this:

Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds both deserve to be in the Hall of Fame. Why? They were the best players of the Steroid Era, just like Ty Cobb was the best player of the Dead Ball Era, and Rickey Henderson was the best player of the Stolen Base Era, and Sandy Koufax and Bob Gibson were the best pitchers of the High Pitcher’s Mound Era.

People will know the statistics are skewed by era, and people will know what the 1990s and 2000s mean when looking at stats.

They know that there were very few home runs before Babe Ruth, they know that Rickey ushered in a new era of high stolen base totals, that Gibson pitched in the years before baseball lowered the pitcher’s mound and so on.

Players took steroids. If it was legal and not banned by baseball, leave them alone. If it was illegal, prosecute them. If it was against baseball’s rules, punish them.

It’s too late to apply today’s rules retroactively and to punish players who, technically, may not have been doing anything wrong.

He must be off

I have waited until after someone replaced Gary Burbank on 700 WLW in Cincinnati to write anything about it. I was still holding out a small bit of hope it was a stunt, and Gary would be back on the air after his usual holiday vacation.

However, now I know how people who were loyal watchers of “Friends,” or “Seinfeld,” or “M*A*S*H” or some other long running show left when it ended. I was actually upset for a couple of weeks when I realized he was really, honestly going to retire. I mean, really upset. I woke up in the morning thinking, “Only two more weeks of Gary Burbank,” and then, “Only one more week of Gary Burbank,” and so on.

I started listening sometime in 1992 or 1993. I remember riding in the car with my dad to Columbus, and we started off listening to Mike McConnell. I had been listening to him in the car a little bit, and enjoyed his show.

I wasn’t paying close attention, though, and after a while, I noticed the tone of the program had changed. These guys on the air were having fun! It wasn't McConnell any more, it was someone else.

Obviously, it had passed 2 p.m., and Gary Burbank was on the air. After that, I continued to listen regularly, becoming a very avid fan of the program.

I credit Burbank and a chiming clock in the hallway for helping me complete my Master’s thesis in 1995.

Every day, I sat down at my Apple IIC clone with a pile of library books and started typing. Normally, I had the radio on in the background. By mid-afternoon, I was sick of working, but Burbank’s show provided me the slight distraction I needed to not realize I was tired of researching and typing.

Without his program keeping my spirits up, who knows how long I’d have taken to finish that thing?

The chiming clock, by the way, was useful in that whenever I wasn’t actively typing, I’d hear it bong. For some reason, that made me feel guilty – there went another half hour I didn’t do anything. There went an hour.

I guess you could say the clock prodded me along so I’d get to work, and Burbank kept the atmosphere light and fun so I’d keep working. Just hearing his theme song come on at a little after 2 p.m. always made me smile and relax a little bit. It still did, right up until the end. I always knew I’d be enjoying the next few hours.

I always loved the sports soap-opera parody shows, “All My Bengals,” and “The Reds and the Restless.” These were some of the most quoted bits from his shows.

One of the funniest things I ever heard involved Gary making fun of Paul Harvey. Harvey’s “The Rest of the Story” show came on at about 2:50 p.m. every afternoon. One day, all of a sudden, Gary stopped it, started playing game show music, and, in his best Gary Owens voice, announced it was time to play, “What’s the Point, Paul?”

I think people all over America probably want to ask Paul Harvey that every single day.

Anyway, Gary’s point was that callers could call in and try to guess “the rest of the story.”

I was a caller at least four times on the 4 p.m. game show “Sports or Consequences.” I won once, and received an official “Sports or Consequences” mug and the rules of the game. (I know where the mug is, but I have no idea when happened to the rules after they were removed from my bedside stand 10 years later when I moved.)

The question I won with was, “Who holds the single-season record for double plays turned as a second baseman?” The answer was, at the time, Jerry Priddy of the New York Yankees. It may have since been broken. Gary even said it was a good question.

I also got a letter read on the air. I wrote it to the stand-ins, at the time led by Roger Nailer, when Gary was on vacation for three weeks.

It didn’t get read until Gary got back. I had addressed the letter to “Roger and the gang,” to which Gary replied, “Boy, maybe I have been gone a long time!”

Nevertheless, I was happy to be acknowledged.

When I started working at the Advertiser-Tribune in 1996, I had a co-worker who had lived in Cincinnati and had been a regular Burbank listener. We used to recount all the old bit Gary did, and I’d tell him about the new stuff I’d listened to on my way to work that day.

In recent years, I had drifted away from listening to the show every day. I started tuning to the Cleveland stations more and more to hear talk about the Indians and Browns.

Then, in 2006, I moved to Louisville. The Cleveland stations didn’t come in any more. But 700 did. I started to listen to the local Louisville programs, but Burbank was significantly more interesting than anything else.

My wife, Hallie, and I were driving from Louisville back home to Fostoria and Toledo one Friday afternoon, and I started listening to Burbank when Heywood Banks was on. I always enjoyed Heywood’s appearances, and I thought maybe Hallie would like to hear his songs.

As we passed through Dayton, I decided to call “Sports or Consequences” and ask them to name the major league baseball player who had hit a grand slam home run on his first pitch in his first at-bat in the major leagues in 2006. The answer was Kevin Kouzmanoff, then of the Cleveland Indians.

They guessed for a long time, far more guesses than the Sufficianados are supposed to be allowed, but hey, they can do what they want – they’re the Sufficianados. Gary said was it was a boring question, they got the answer and I didn’t win anything, but it was fun anyway.

That time, I think I was on the precipice of getting blown up, but I didn’t. This entailed Gary playing an explosion and hanging up on you because you violated the rules or asked a question that was minutiae or just had indigestion or something. I never got blown up when I called the program. That’s more than many callers can say.

That was may last call to the program.

Of course, about the time I started really looking forward to hearing him every day again, I found out he was retiring at the end of 2007.

I listed to all of the last show, and I was happy to hear that Andy MacWilliams, Bob Trumpy, Doc Wolfe and many of the voices from past shows were there.

When Gary signed off for the last time at 6 p.m. Dec. 21, and the news came on. It was amazing how normal it felt, not like something important had ended.

The radio station just continued as usual, but it would be without the Gary Burbank Program from now on.

As I said, it upset me, but I know that life must go on. TV shows get canceled. Pet goldfish die and get flushed down the toilet. All the Christmas presents are unwrapped and there’s wrapping paper and torn boxes everywhere to clean up. OK, that’s not making any sense, but you know what I mean.

I am happy Gary can relax in retirement now. But I’ll still miss knowing every day at 3 p.m., I can tune in and hear his theme song, or at 4:30 p.m., no matter where I am, I can call “Sports or Consequences,” and receive a lesson in how life is not always fair.

All I can say is this: Thanks Gary for the many hours of enjoyment, and often enlightenment, your program gave me. I am already missing it.

I must be off!