Here's a few issues worth of ideas for Fantastic Four comic books I came up with a few months ago. I hate to put all this stock writing out there, but any joke you haven't heard is a new joke.
1st Issue:
Dr. Doom decides there’s no point in attacking the FF any more. While unwilling to admit defeat, he is disgusted by the stalemate he always achieves with Reed Richards. So, he decides to turn his attention to his country, Latveria, and become a monarch. So, he starts running his tyrannical small claims court, and bankrolls a small cottage industry for the people to work. Of course, it’s his product, and only he can suggest improvements – not that the original wasn’t superior, you understand. The little cottage industry develops, and soon is a recognized world leader in the product.
All of a sudden, one day, he is advised by his people that Reed Richards has patented a product that renders Latveria’s useless. Naturally, Doom kills this advisor, falls into a rage and concocts a plan to kill the FF again.
This plan is very different. He realizes he can’t shoot the Baxter Building into space, nor steal the Silver Surfer’s power cosmic, nor can he lure them to his castle to kill them – none of that worked, anyway. He decides to go back to an old plan, though. He sends a cleverly disguised Doombot to infiltrate the building and destroy the FF from inside.
2nd Issue:
The FF hires a new maintenance man/janitor. Reed is happy to find someone who is capable of doing the job with all the hard work it entails, especially when some of his research goes wrong, or when Ben gets a little too enthusiastic in the exercise room, which of course happens as soon in the middle of the conversation. Reed and the janitor head for the gym, and find Ben cursing at the cheap workmanship in the exercise equipment as it lies in piles of rubble all over the floor. He tells Reed he is going out to a diner to get a hamburger.
Naturally, the janitor is a Doombot. Nobody can tell, and none of Reed’s instruments can detect it. The only person who can tell is Reed’s daughter, Val, who cries every time she sees the janitor. Val and Sue enter the gym after hearing the huge crash, and Val cries when introduced to the new janitor.
In an aside, Sue tell Reed she just got a letter from Agatha Harkness, who said she is again living in her old mansion, and would love to see the family and the new baby. Both are happy to hear from her, but remember the problem that followed her when she was Franklin’s governess.
The janitor goes about his job, eventually planting little defects in Reed’s work. This is Doom’s way of disorienting Reed so that he won’t see the larger picture. It also plays to Doom’s ego to be messing with reed’s inventions. Reed naturally is confused when his inventions don’t work like they are supposed to, and digs himself into his lab to figure out what went wrong.
The big clue happens when Sue and Val pass the janitor in the part of the building where he shouldn’t be. Val cries like nobody’s business, and Sue becomes suspicious. She makes the janitor’s skin invisible and sees there’s a Doombot below. She uses her force field to blow the robot apart, and hits the alarm to call Reed.
Reed analyzes the memory banks of the Doombot, and realizes what it has done. The Doombot has triggered the door to the Negative Zone to blow up, opening a passageway to that other dimension that could destroy the building, the city, the plant, and maybe the universe.
3rd issue
Reed searches and finds the device, just after it blows up, and opens the door. Reed was able to reduce the effects enough that his back up system kicks in to contain the Negative Zone.
Everyone is relaxing, and contemplating the next move, when a little light blinks on at the Negative Zone monitor. For the brief moment the portal was open, the monitor received a clear distress signal from inside the Negative Zone. It appears there are a number of creatures marooned on a planet which is about to be hit by a giant asteroid.
Reed ponders for a moment whether to go after Doom, or help the creatures in the Negative Zone. He decides that Doom can wait, especially since time moves a little slower in the Negative Zone, and they may be able to complete the rescue mission and still head off to confront him in a timely manner.
So, they head off to save the people inside. Reed tells Ben to stay behind to watch the kids, because Sue’s force field and Johnny’s ability to fly may be more essential to this mission. Ben harrumphs, but Reed assures him it should be routine, and besides the children need him in case Doom should attack again. If there’s an emergency, Ben can turn the kids over to HERBIE, the robot babysitter, and head in to help.
Ben complains, but grabs Franklin and asks him if he’s ready to get his butt whooped in Madden football while they watch the Negative Zone monitor.
Reed, Sue and Johnny get into a space vehicle built specially for the Negative Zone, and head in. They cruise to the small planetoid, which is almost the size of an asteroid. They scour the surface for the small group of people, and find them living near some mountains. Reed sees their space craft. It definitely crashed, but it looks like it’s been abandoned for a long time. More like years than months. Reed notes that the distress signal is awfully powerful for such a beat-up ship.
The FF craft lands and the people gather around. As the FF climb out, they are greeted with some clubs and slingshots and are knocked unconscious. Actually, they are faking, and Sue is protecting them all with force fields. Reed wants to know what these people are up to.
They pretend to wake up a little later, bound, in front of a giant molten mouth. Reed looks off in the distance, and sees that this is no planetoid, it’s a life form, and the stranded people are there to lure food for the planet. One of them tells him they have been there for decades since their craft crashed, luring food for the planet, which in turn keeps them alive when it is properly fed. He apologizes to Reed, but tells him he has to do this to keep his people alive.
The three members of the FF are being carried to fiery pit, and several of the inhabitants work to move the space vehicle to feed it to the planet. As they are carried along, Sue and Johnny nod at Reed, as if they know what the plan will be.
Ben and Franklin are loading the game when the Negative Zone alert comes. Ben sees what is happening, and summons HERBIE. He uses his flying cycle to go into the Negative Zone.
He arrives just as the rest of the FF is lowered into the lava pit.
4th Issue:
Recap of the previous issue, as Ben arrives, sees the other team members bound and lowered into the lava. He starts tearing up the little encampment and the people who live there to get to the other members.
Reed Sue and Johnny rise out of the lava easily enough, as Sue’s force field protects them, and Johnny absorbs the heat.
Reed apologizes to Ben for panicking him, but assures him they were never in any real trouble after they woke up. The inhabitants surprised them, Reed says, but were too crude and unsophisticated in their attacks to really do them any harm.
Meanwhile, the encampment where these people live has been completely destroyed by Ben as he raged through the crowd.
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