Every one of us has heard commercials that get under our skin, right?
Well, there's one on the local ESPN affiliate (WGH-AM 1310) that seems to play at every station break all day long. It's an advertisement for a Rodney Carrington concert, to take place in early April somewhere in the Hampton Roads area. (I'd look it up, but I am too lazy and I don't want to give it any more press than I have to.)
The commercial not only makes me turn off the station, but also never, ever want to hear Rodney Carrington live, on TV, on the radio or anywhere else. Not in a house, not with a mouse, not here or there, not anywhere, Sam-I-Am!
Potty-mouth comedians can be funny, especially when they are clever. In this case, however ... well, I'll let you read some of what I have had to hear every single stinking day and you can decide for yourself.
This commercial starts out with a song that must be called, "Don't look now, your momma's got her boobs out." At least, those are the only lyrics that we hear. I have no idea what its real title is. And, even though it appears to deal with breasts, I have no interest in hearing any more of it.
Then, the commercial proceeds to a few clips of ol' Rodney saying things like, "My wife and I made a homemade porno movie which somehow has ended up in the Internet. Because I put it there." And, "You think those things are ugly with hair on them? I stepped out of the shower and my wife said,'What did you do?' and I said 'Ta-daaa!'"
Then, it ends up with a few strains of his latest hit song, "Show them to me."
I think in this case, "hit song" means you want to hit someone when you hear it.
Someone obviously thinks this is funny. Someone is buying this guy's CDs and tickets to his concerts. Somewhere there's somebody sitting in his living room laughing out loud and reciting Rodeney Carrington jokes, such as they may be. And, there's probably someone else sitting beside this fellow roaring aloud with laughter.
But it sure as all-git-out ain't me.
With all that said, I can hardly wait for his concert.
Because when it's over, the commercial will be off the air. And, I won't have to think about his shaven member, his mommas boobs or his stupid homemade porno movie (which, by the way, may have featured this shaven member and his momma's boobs for all I know.).
I wish I could say I am offended by his lowbrow vulgarity, but I'm not. What offends me is the stupid banality he is passing off as humor. If this commercial features some of the funniest parts of his show to entice me to buy tickets, it ain't working.
Maybe there are some funny parts to his routine. Maybe there's something I am missing. If so, I'm sorry, Rodney, for taking you to task on this blog read by millions of people worldwide. (OK, how about it's read by up to a half-dozen people who know me and have nothing better to do right now than read this rant? Woudja believe two cops in a rowboat? *)
But I am so sick of that damn commercial -- which wasn't funny in the first time and hasn't gotten any better through what seems like 9,257 replays -- that I am never, ever gonna find out if he says anything truly funny or not.
It's almost as bad as political ads around election day. You remember -- the ones Gary Burbank used to "blow up" the day after the election was over. Boy, did that always make me feel good. In fact, I wish Gary was still on the air, so that after Rodney's concert is over, he could blow up that annoying commercial. That, I could listen to at every station break all day long.
I can hear it now: "Live, in person, Rodney CarringBOOOOOOOOOOM ... That sound like a big sa'plosion."
Music to my ears. And funnier than any of ol' Rodney's jokes about his hairless blue-veined throbber, I bet.**
*This joke was stolen from an episode of "Get Smart," which is good advice for Rodney when he hires the next person to make commercials advertising his concerts.
** But, what do I know? I am the guy blogging about what he has for breakfast, for cryin' out loud!
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